That Explains Why A Long John Is Good For A Week

The first thing I noticed about Bird's Custard was its striking similarity to the "custard" they stuff the donuts with back home. I love that stuff -- or is that I now loved that stuff? Now that I have the real stuff available in copious amounts, this fake custard just didn't seem right. I enjoyed it immensely. I ate lots of it. But it didn't seem right.

So I did some homework. A key difference between this and the wonderfully rich traditional custards is that this stuff is thickened with cornstarch while the real stuff is thickened with eggs. In fact, the reason for its existence is because the inventor's wife was allergic to eggs. I had always wondered why a custard-filled long john back home was still non-toxic after a few days of sitting in a cardboard box on the counter. Does the lack of eggs explain it? Perhaps.

I may keep a shelf-stable box of Bird's powder in the pantry for when I have an insatiable desire for custard. It may be crap, but it's still custard. Oh, a reference that only folks from college will understand -- you could fill a bathtub with this stuff for cheap.

Cheerios.


Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? -- Matt Groening (1954 - )